Healing from Betrayal: How to Set High Standards for Love and Respect
This article explores the emotional and relational complexities of betrayal trauma and addiction, drawing from Cheryl Camarillo's experiences as a therapist and survivor. Betrayal often triggers deep wounds of self-worth and trust, but Cheryl highlights that these behaviors, including infidelity and addiction, stem from deeper emotional voids rather than a reflection of the partner’s inadequacy. Healing begins with separating personal value from a partner’s actions, addressing trauma at its roots, and embracing self-care as a foundation for recovery.
Cheryl emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and reclaiming self-respect to break cycles of toxic relationships. By investing in therapy, building support systems, and maintaining high standards for love and respect, individuals can foster emotional resilience and create healthier relationships. Cheryl's message is clear: with the right tools and mindset, one can transform pain into empowerment, redefining love and connection with a foundation of self-worth.
Introduction: Beginning Your Healing Journey, Empowerment, and Self-Love After Betrayal
Betrayal and addiction are two of the most painful challenges that can devastate a relationship. When a partner's actions violate trust, whether through infidelity or substance abuse, the emotional toll can be overwhelming. Yet, even in the face of such pain, healing from betrayal is possible.
My journey through these very struggles has led her to become a beacon of hope for others who find themselves in similar circumstances. In a recent conversation, I shared my personal story of overcoming betrayal trauma and how these experiences have shaped my mission to help others.
This article explores the key themes from that conversation, offering insights into the journey of healing, empowerment, and self-love.
Join The Attached No More Workshop
The Depth of Betrayal and Its Impact on Personal Identity
Infidelity and addiction are not just acts of betrayal—they are deep wounds that affect a person’s identity. I emphasize that betrayal is often more than just a relationship issue; it can trigger a profound crisis of self-worth and emotional stability. When a partner cheats or struggles with addiction, it feels like a personal failure, especially for those who are deeply invested in the relationship. By having lived through the pain of infidelity in your marriage, acknowledge the emotional devastation that follows such a breach of trust. For many, it’s not just the act itself that hurts, but the feeling of being unworthy or unlovable.
It’s so easy it is to lose sight of one’s worth trying to salvage a relationship. This self-compromise often leads to staying in toxic situations long after the relationship is no longer healthy. As I shared, "Most of us never realize we deserve to have those high standards of love that we expect," highlighting how people often tolerate unhealthy behavior because they believe it is their only option.
This sentiment is common for individuals who are struggling with betrayal trauma, as the pain of betrayal can cloud their judgment, making them question their own value and ability to thrive without the toxic relationship.
Addiction as a Symptom, Not the Problem
I offer a nuanced view of addiction, describing it as a symptom of deeper, unmet emotional needs. Whether it’s addiction to substances, sex, or behaviors, the root causes often stem from a lack of emotional fulfillment or unresolved trauma. This perspective was shaped by my years of working with individuals struggling with sex addiction, a path that was influenced by my own experiences with healing from betrayal. My husband’s addiction wasn't necessarily about me being inadequate or unattractive. Instead, it was about his inner emotional void—a need for external validation or excitement that he couldn't fill within himself.
This insight is critical because it shifts the focus away from personal blame and onto understanding the deeper emotional and psychological factors at play. Addiction is not a moral failing, but rather a coping mechanism for unresolved emotional pain. The ability to separate the actions of a partner from someone’s own self-worth can allow you to begin the process of healing from betrayal trauma.
It is vital to address the emotional trauma underlying addiction, which requires professional support, self-reflection, and often, self-discovery therapy. Understanding that addiction is not a reflection of a person’s value can help individuals begin to detach their self-worth from the behaviors of their partner.
Key points about addiction and its underlying causes include:
Addiction as a coping mechanism: Addiction often arises from a deeper emotional or psychological void, not from a lack of self-worth or attractiveness.
Unmet emotional needs: The desire for validation, connection, or excitement can lead people to seek external outlets (like substance abuse or sexual addiction) rather than addressing the root emotional issues.
It’s not about personal failure: Addiction is not a reflection of a person's failure or inability to be loved, but a sign of unresolved trauma or unmet emotional needs.
Separation of actions and self-worth: Healing begins when individuals learn to separate their partner’s addictive behavior from their own sense of self-worth and emotional health.
Professional support is essential: Healing from betrayal trauma and addiction requires therapy and self-reflection to address the root causes rather than just focusing on surface behaviors.
This shift in perspective is essential for healing, as it removes the shame and self-blame often associated with betrayal and addiction, and helps individuals begin the journey toward recovery with a more compassionate view of themselves and their partner.
The Healing Journey: Therapy, Self-Reflection, and Self-Care
One of the key takeaways from my journey is the critical importance of self-work. I have invested significant time, effort, and resources into becoming a certified sex addiction therapist, using my pain as fuel to understand the dynamics of addiction and betrayal. The commitment to therapy—both as a client and as a therapist—was transformative. I can describe the healing process as a journey that requires a multi-faceted approach, combining therapy, deep breathing exercises, meditation, couples counseling, and, above all, personal reflection.
Healing from betrayal trauma is not a quick fix. It requires patience, self-compassion, and the willingness to confront uncomfortable truths about both oneself and one’s relationship. You need to focus first on self-care before attempting to repair or end the relationship, it is a must to learn how to set healthy relationship boundaries. This is essential because, without a strong sense of self-worth, any decision made about the relationship may be driven by fear or desperation, rather than empowerment. By prioritizing emotional well-being, individuals can approach their relationships with clarity and confidence, knowing that their happiness does not depend on someone else’s actions.
Check Out Our Upcoming Retreats
The Power of Boundaries and Self-Respect in Relationships
Learning how to set healthy relationship boundaries, to settle and maintain these boundaries is another focal topic of my therapies. Often, people who are struggling with betrayal or addiction have lost sight of their own needs and have become enmeshed in the dynamics of their relationship. Healing begins when individuals reclaim their sense of self and their right to be treated with respect. This is especially important for women, who may have been conditioned to prioritize the needs of others over their own.
Many women tend to stay in relationships despite feeling emotionally drained or disrespected because they fear being alone or feel they must "make it work" at all costs. But the key to moving forward is realizing that one’s worth is not tied to the relationship. When individuals learn how to set healthy relationship boundaries about how they expect to be treated, they signal to their partners that they are no longer willing to tolerate toxic behavior. This not only promotes self-respect but also sets the stage for healthier relationship dynamics.
Those who maintain high standards in their relationships often inspire their partners to rise to the occasion. The energy you communicate in how you set your boundaries and expectations can inspire your partner to do their own work. This mutual respect creates a healthy give-and-take that nurtures both partners’ growth.
Betrayal Trauma and the Need for Self-Foundation
Here’s powerful advice for women who have experienced betrayal trauma: start by rebuilding your foundation. Betrayal trauma is a deep emotional wound, and its effects can ripple throughout a person’s life, affecting their sense of trust, safety, and self-worth. Please know that healing involves first focusing on self-care and emotional recovery before addressing the relationship itself.
In my free webinar for women who have experienced betrayal trauma, I explore the importance of defining trauma, making intentional treatment choices, and prioritizing self-care. Self-care is not just about taking care of one’s body but also about tending to one’s emotional and psychological well-being. Once a strong foundation of self-worth and emotional health is established, individuals can then move forward with greater clarity in deciding what steps to take in their relationships toward healing from betrayal. Whether that means rebuilding the relationship or moving on, the key is to make decisions from a place of strength rather than desperation or fear.
The Role of Empathy and Compassion in Healing
In my sessions, I talk about compassion—not only for others but also for oneself. Healing from betrayal and addiction is a painful process, and it is easy to fall into self-blame or anger toward a partner. However, I suggest that true healing comes from understanding the complexities of addiction and emotional trauma. This empathetic approach can help individuals make sense of their partner's actions without internalizing them.
The ability I had to develop to forgive and understand my husband’s struggles with addiction speaks to the power of compassion in healing. It is not about excusing bad behavior, but about understanding the emotional wounds that drive people to hurt others. For those recovering from betrayal, cultivating empathy for oneself and one’s partner can be a transformative part of the healing process. Compassion allows individuals to let go of anger and resentment, paving the way for deeper self-love and acceptance.
Conclusion: The Path to Healing and Healthy Relationships
Healing from betrayal and addiction is a long and complex journey, but it is one that offers the potential for profound transformation. I use my story to empower women, providing the guidance they’re seeking in therapy, and teach them how to set healthy relationship boundaries in overcoming trauma and reclaiming one’s sense of worth. By setting high standards for love and respect, prioritizing self-care, and approaching relationships with empathy and understanding, individuals can begin to heal from the wounds of betrayal.
For those struggling with betrayal trauma, this is my message: you deserve love, respect, and the space to heal. Take the time to focus on your well-being, set healthy boundaries, and know that you have the power to create healthier, more fulfilling relationships moving forward.
