Episode 14: I used to be a romantic, then WTF happened??!

Welcome to the "Turning Wounds To Wisdom" podcast!

I used to be such a romantic - and then when I went through heavy heartbreak, something changed. While I was able to create a lot of stability in my life, I lost out on a lot of the playful, open, free, loving energy that naturally exists inside my soul.

So in this episode I talk about what Is required to create a balance - of love and self commitment both. It's really personal, and I know this episode could mean something to you.l

Hope you enjoyed listening! If you did please share it and help others :) And if you ever have any requests for conversations , topics or questions, please send me an email or a DM on IG!

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Love and Light always!!

I used to be such a romantic and then what the F happened. Well, this is what this episode is going to be about. Welcome to another episode of turning wounds to wisdom. Crazy. I was thinking about it just this, this morning earlier, as you all know, I'm in a relationship, I've got my wife, I've got a beautiful baby on the way and I'm reflecting in this relationship.

As to how, you know, romantic and how much of a placeful spirit I have in comparison to the past. And I'll be really honest with you guys. I feel like, and I'm being very transparent here, I'm opening up my heart to you all. This gonna, this episode is gonna have some stories too, which I hope can help you.

I feel like I'm not anywhere as playful or romantic as I can be. In this current relationship as much as I used to be and something happened to me recently. I think after I heard about, you know, the birth of, well, not the birth, but that my wife is pregnant. A lot of changes have been happening to me and really powerful changes where I've started to reflect on what's important for me in my life.

And I've started to reflect on, you know, what is the kind of life I want to live? What are the priorities I want to have? And in doing so, I'm recognizing that I want to be more emotionally connected to my child. That's not what I had, you know, when I was really growing up from my dad, I want to be more emotionally connected to my partner and I want to be less attached to this, you know, do, do, do, you know, fight to survive, struggle, work hard, hustle world that I feel like I have created for myself.

I want to say the world that we live in, because I know a lot of you out there are also going through the same thing. But, you know, I really want to break away from this attachment to this hustle world, this, you know, have to make money to survive world that we're in. Truth be told, all of those are just like wounded beliefs.

Anyway, um, that, you know, we, we always are going to be busy. The bills are going to be expensive. There's so much that still needs to be done. I don't have enough time. All of those are just bullshit stories that we tell ourselves because they're based on the conditioning that we don't have enough. We can't have enough just as we are.

We are not enough. And so we keep attracting a world where we have to keep struggling in order to survive. Now, coming back to this, this idea of like, you know, I used to be romantic. What the fuck happened to me? Oops. I said the F, the French word. Um, I want to just talk about some stories about this because I think for a lot of you listening, if a lot of you are women, I know most of my listeners, my clients are women.

If a lot of you are women, this might help you understand men in some way. And if a lot of you are men, this might help you find yourself again, in some way. I remember many, many years ago, I used to write letters. I used to love writing letters. Actually in boarding school is when I first, uh, learned to start writing letters.

I used to write letters to my mom who always wrote letters back. We didn't really have the opportunity to get on phone calls to talk to our family, but I used to also write letters to girlfriends. And, um, I wrote letters. I love them. I still have those letters. They were so sweet. You know, a lot of them, um, because it was just like something from a nice time in my life.

But as I grew into my 20s, I was a different kind of romantic where, yes, I wrote letters occasionally, but I tried to make things. I remember that, um, one of the girlfriends I had, I, I had taken a shirt of mine. I'd sprayed perfume on it and I wrote all of the nicknames that we called each other, et cetera.

Uh, I made her a really beautiful lamp, all that stuff. And, uh, when we broke up, when I broke up with her, I also remember that she burnt the shirt. And at that time, there was part of me that was thinking, why am I putting all of this work in, if it's going to lead to some kind of rejection? I remember that was my thought.

It didn't escape my mind. I was still very romantic later into my twenties with, you know, further other relationships. I was also very romantically expressive. I would do nice things for my partners. And the way I showed up for my partners was different. It had this kind of like playful nature to it.

Which, uh, I am a very, very playful person by, uh, nature, I think intricately, but it had this like very, um, like I said, expressive, playful, creative nature to it. Now I believe. Um, romanticism, creativity, all of those are feminine characteristics. And by feminine, I don't mean female characteristics. I know this is going to put a lot of you off in the audience, but I employ you to listen because I'm going to teach you a little bit about some masculine and feminine energies here.

And, uh, I believe that playfulness is also feminine, serendipity, flow, all of the, the more lighthearted emotions, if I'm being honest, those are more feminine in some way. But masculine characteristics are more about structure, supportiveness, um, discipline, taking care of being there for someone, giving, et cetera.

Now we all need a combination of those, but we all have a different combination of masculine and feminine energies. At that time in my life, I feel like I had a much stronger feminine energy dominance than a masculine energy. And unfortunately, when I went through some really heavy breakups in my life, a bit of my anxious attachment came out.

Then with the anxious attachment, I'd also say came out more of this dominant feminine energy for me, at least, which did make me very romantic, made me try and please the person made me try. And you know, just trust that everything would work out, but I wasn't selecting the right partner. So the disciplined part of me, which was the masculine side, the boundaries, the protection, the taking care of me, that was completely negligent because I think a lot of you also know when you maybe go through a bad breakup, um, you get hit by that anxious attachment, you get really sensitive, you get really desperate.

That protective side of you goes out the window, you know, uh, you either become overprotective, which is wounded masculine, or you become really underprotective, which I think is majority of people listening, a lot of anxious attachers, you abandon yourself, all of that. So I was like that. And, um, while there was a lot of joy in that time, here's the thing.

I found that my relationships never worked out to be what I wanted them to be. And I never got what I really needed, which is commitment, stability, a future. I never really got those. So they were joyful relationship for a moment, a lot of push and pull, blah, blah, blah. But for me personally, I think when I started to see that I was just constantly left with abandonment and rejection and that I wasn't getting what I needed.

I got really upset and one really painful heavy breakup, which hurt me so bad made me also in the same way feel like, you know what this side of me is not getting what I need. I need to get really protective. I need to get, you know, really, um, structured, disciplined, et cetera. So my pendulum swung all the way there from that side to the other side.

of trying to protect myself, of course, but it swung all the way the other side. And I started to become extremely disciplined. I started to become very structured. I started to have a routine, you know, I'm being very honest with you guys. I started to have a routine of my meditations of my everything else I needed to regulate my nervous system, protect myself from people who, you know, I could even sense that their energy would lead me back to where I was or could hurt me again.

I just protect myself. I moved away. In, in that time, I'm also going to be transparent. I managed to manifest, um, this company, the inner Yats that, you know, for so many years has given me a beautiful life, has helped me provide a lot of guidance to other people. But with, you know, manifesting a company like this, you also manifest leadership and opportunities of leadership.

And you're the boss, you're responsible for paying everybody, you're responsible for money, you're responsible for everything. In this period of time, I'm just going to say. I did manifest somehow a lot of amazing things, but all of the things that required me to support and take care of them, my company, a beautiful home in Mexico, again, required me to support and take care of it.

My wife, gorgeous, beautiful, very feminine being, who because of my masculinity that I now had, or this like very strong masculinity I have, I attracted this. And while I have all of these things to take care of, somehow, at the same period of time, I'm also manifesting a lot of stress. A lot of I have to, I have to take care of, I have to have this routine, I have to be disciplined, what happens if I don't?

And when I'm not in the same routine or this, this structure, this discipline, I've noticed that the fear, the fear of going back to that guy who I was, which may have been a guy who was really playful and free and whatever, but he was also a guy who kept manifesting or attracting relationships that hurt him, you know, he didn't have a successful enough job.

The fear of going back to that guy, it prevents me from going even anywhere close to that romantic, that overly expressive side, that, you know, old version of me. Now, here's the transparency bit. For a period of time in my life, I think that this was helpful. This was supportive because, you know, it helped me build.

Masculinity helps you build things. It helps you feminities about creation. Like, so the vision, the ideas, all that stuff is like, you know, the, uh, is, is feminine energy, but the actual work that goes into creating the structure of the building, that's the construction bit. The design is feminine. Let's say.

Which is why I also think there's a lot of interior designers and stuff who are feminine because they're very creative, right? You can see beautiful things that I think sometimes men, we just can't, but the masculine element is the construction, putting the bricks together, putting the cement, you know, carrying the heavy stuff, attaching the plumbing, doing the dirty stuff.

And I've done that and I've created these beautiful things, but sometimes I feel like the, the need to take care of these things. Trump's the ability to enjoy these things. Does that make sense to you guys? I also say this because one of my clients recently, actually a lot of them who've gone through or going through the inner work are like, you know what?

I've cut out all of these people from my life. I've moved into this next stage, you know, where I'm taking care of myself, but now I find myself very alone. Because it's true. You've, you've got, like me, you've gotten to this state of energy where you got very protective. You built the structure, you did all of that, but unconsciously you've eliminated some of the playful feminine areas of yourself.

I also think survival can do this to you. Like. Again, in our country or world of like, you know, North American influence or Western influence survival financially is like the biggest thing, right? If you don't have the money to pay your bills, you're not, you actually are not even respected in society.

You're not taken care of like by the government or anything enough. If you're a woman who wants to have a child and your responsibility is not to make money, um, you're literally, um, invalidated in many, many, many ways, you know? In fact, I was at a, I was at a bar, uh, with some friends and we met these, this bunch of like successful women and they were telling us how their companies are paying them and giving them IVF and, uh, you know, treatments for free.

They get to freeze eggs for free after a certain point. And while they were all so excited by the opportunity that it was all the money was taken care of for me It was like a total invalidation of feminine energy The companies are basically making them slave and work harder and they're justifying it by saying i'll pay you for this one thing And in the same way, I think it's killing that feminine playful joyful energy of life Of creating life of having you know, maybe a family or children or whatever Um, but also of being playful with your life And instead you think that the only identity you have to have of your life is one of independence, one where you're strong, you can take care of yourself, you're tough, all of those particular things.

Um, but you forget about the side of your life that, like I said, is romantic. And romantic is yes, with another person, but romantic is also with life, with, um, with plants, with travel, with animals, with food. It's energy, it's energy. It's, it's just being so playful and loving it. Anyway, coming back to my story in all of this, um, like I said, over the last few years, I feel like my definition of my identity in life.

Has become someone who, while as a strong, healthy, masculine, sometimes I wouldn't even say healthy, masculine, I would say a strong overworked masculine that I'm denying myself access to that emotional side of me, that beautiful, loving, feminine side of me that's inside me, you know, and when I do that, I noticed that I unconsciously with my own wife.

I also kind of suppress her own playful feminine side, her romantic side or her like, you know, trusting side or her, uh, really it's a her emotional side. And I think a lot of men in North America have been, Unfortunately by society, by struggling to survive, by, you know, the middle class mentality that we have inherited by the conditioning from our father figures or from our parents that we have to, you know, just work, work, work.

That's our only value and identity in life. And then if you have an emotional side that needs to come out, you just numb it with alcohol. That's a huge thing, right? In North America, or you just numb it with sports or an addiction to sports or something else. And I find that there are so many men who have a romantic side inside them, but they just don't, they don't give permission to it because they're scared.

Just like me, they're scared. They're scared inside of like, what if I become emotional or playful? And the other person rejects me. What if I become emotional and playful? And that's the kind of energy that I'm putting into my relationship, but it's taking away the relationship, the energy and from my work.

And what if I fail at work? What if I become emotional or playful? And then my dad who sees me like, this is like, what the hell is wrong with you? No man up, be a man, you know, focus on work. Your only mission is to take care of your family sacrifice. Like this is it. Which is why there's so much anger and resentment built, built up within these men.

But the truth is all of us are masculine and feminine in both those energies. And in different times of our lives, as I've explained to you clearly from my own example, some of them, a particular energy will be dominant. And maybe for the right reasons, like for me, I was, I had such a strong feminine energy that I needed to swing my energy to a masculine, like this really masculine energy to, to make things happen, to build the home, to build the company, to build the relationship.

But I think as I've gotten here, that that wounded story no longer needs to carry anymore. And that I need to give myself permission to go back towards more of the feminine energy, but not back to where I was. But let the pendulum slowly now swing and come to the middle where I have the masculine structure, the discipline to some degree.

But I'm also willing to let go a little bit and take some chances, you know, spend a little more on my relationship on myself, actually, I am, you know, I'm so happy to spend on my wife, but I don't spend on myself, you know, enough, take a little time, more time off to travel and just enjoy life, write some of those little notes, put up some of those like little post its around the house that are just simple, like I love using jokes, you know, take a bloody day off every now and then.

Every time I talk to people, even my clients, when they're planning the retreats, everybody's like, can you tell us a year in advance so we can take our paid time off? And, you know, obviously I want to support them and help them. I want you to make your money and blah, blah, blah. But serendipity is, is being lost slowly, you know, in our society.

I was reading an article today, which talked about how technology has helped us with convenience so much. Right. But statistically. Technology is also making us step into control so much more. Why? Everything is now either on our calendars or is planned. Everything now, uh, you know, before you make a choice, you have to read the reviews, you have to make the, you have to have the backup info.

In fact, there's like some quintillion or quintillion, I don't even know how to pronounce it. There's some 24 quintillion, blah, blah, blah, data running around each day, which means everything we do is backed by data. You won't watch a movie unless you read the reviews. You won't order from a food place unless you read the reviews.

You won't travel to a particular place unless you know everything about it. You won't just like, you know, buy a ticket if you don't know there's a discount or a sale at a particular period. Like there's so much stuff you need to know before you make a decision that you're controlling the decision and thinking you can control your outcome to give yourself the best outcome.

But you're also closing yourself off from the gifts of the universe. Playfulness, trust, serendipity, all of that stuff. And to me, when I think about this, I think that I might be losing out on a lot of those things. Whilst I'm also, you know, losing out, not just on romanticism and stuff, whilst I'm also trying to control my life and create the safest outcome.

Again, I say this because I know a lot of those of you who are listening are women or men in North America and you believe somewhere in your heart That I don't think I'm going to be taken care of. I don't think life is going to work out for me. I don't think things are going to be work out for me because your past tells you that things didn't come easy.

So you believe in your future, things will definitely not come easy and you have to make them happen. You don't believe in serendipity as much. You don't believe in people taking care of you as much. You don't believe in, in, you know, life coming to, to be there for your man, coming into your life and taking care of you because you see some of those things as weak.

You're afraid that if someone says, Oh, what do you do with your life? Uh, what do you do for work and you don't have an answer? You're afraid that that will demean your value. You're afraid that that won't pay your bills And you're afraid that your bills are the only thing that need to be paid You know, and that's the only thing that defines you.

So I hope like me, that you're also coming to the realization that especially in today's world, you need to take more energy and time for you to connect with that feminine energy of playfulness of joy of flow, which also, if you do that more, you connect with the feminine energy of trust, you connect with the feminine energy of allowing, allowing what?

Allowing the universe to take care of you. Allowing the universe to put someone next to you on a plane, just like how I met my wife, and have that to be the relationship of your dreams, you know, at the same time, I know a lot of you when you go into relationships, sometimes you may abandon yourselves. And at that point, you need more healthy, masculine energy.

But while you're creating that healthy, masculine energy to protect and take care of yourself, Just make sure you don't lose the essence of who you are, you know, ask yourself, like, what is the essence of who I am? What is it that I really want in my life? What are the kind of relationships I want? And while you're learning the essence of who you are is remember that that essence does require a certain amount of protection, certain amount of boundaries and discipline to maintain that essence, but it also requires a certain amount of like, Letting go.

A certain amount of surrender, a certain amount of trust, a certain amount of allowing, and a certain amount of knowing, while you're doing that, that things will always work out for you. Because if you discover and you realize that you are special just because you bloody exist on this planet, you won't try to create a name for yourself in order to be loved.

You won't care about also what other people think about you. In order to be loved, because you will start to recognize for yourself that just as I am, I am loved, and I am valuable, and I am amazing. As you do more and more of that,

I hope that you will find the love that you want. And more importantly, you will create that kind of love that you want through your romantic, but Protective and strong nature of yourself. Hope you enjoyed this episode. There's more stuff to come up. I'm actually in one of, one of the episodes coming up in the future is, are we addicted to love?

Is love an addiction in, in modern day world? Um, it actually is external validation and, and, um, approval, I think are the biggest addictions we have. So stay tuned for more episodes that are coming up. I hope you really enjoyed this one. And as always, if you have any questions of what you want me to feature in the podcast episodes.

Please let me know. Last note. I totally forgot. I apologize. That was such a big hiatus. I had to go on a big traveling trip. Um, I had to go to New York and then to LA to help my sister and take care of her and her kids. Cause they were in an emergency and I had to pull away from a lot of things at work.

But funny enough, just speaking about that, I really connected with that feminine, romantic, playful self. I just drove along the coast, stopped at random places, didn't even plan like, you know, where I would stay, where What I would do where I'd eat. And I just kept finding different things that worked out along the way.

And that's how the universe loves to support us when we connect with that part of ourselves, as well as the part that supports us, I love you all. Hope you all have a beautiful and blessed week.