Episode 13: Why do we reject love??

Welcome to the "Turning Wounds To Wisdom" podcast!

This is probably my favourite episode TO DATE!! Kristina and I jump into talking about why we reject healthy love, people who show up for us, consistency in relationships etc. We also talk about MILFS, Kristina's mate addiction and more

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Why do we reject love? Now, all of those no, there's no clear empirical evidence. That's basically statistical evidence on how many people like sabotage their relationships are healthy love. I'm willing to bet that in today's age and especially in the modern world. So let's like narrow it down there up to 75 percent of relationships, especially at the beginning involve one or the other person trying to sabotage a relationship.

Now, sabotaging a relationship means trying to invalidate the relationship, trying to, you know, uh, break it down, trying to reject healthy love. We're talking about sabotaging healthy love, and that's quite a crazy number when you think about it. That over 75 percent of people are unconsciously trying to break down healthy love that they can have in their relationships.

Okay. Welcome to another episode of turning wounds to wisdom. Um, the podcast series. I'm really excited about today's episode because this came to me over recent client discussions I've been having and research that I've been doing self studying. That a lot of us, even us speaking on these videos, our podcasts, like guests, et cetera, unconsciously sabotage, loving, safe, healthy relationships.

And most of us don't even know we're doing it. Most of us for sure don't know why. So today I want to talk about that a little bit. Some of my own experiences, um, I'm going to bring on, you know, my partner in crime and my guest, Christina, who I'm going to talk to her about that as well. So let's just jump straight into it.

Christina. Welcome, as I catch you mid sip. How are you doing today? I'm doing really well. I appreciated that intro by you calling me your partner in crime. I feel like that's such an honor. And also it's a pretty reflective of the, yeah, exactly. Right. Um, but. You know, I'm happy to have you on, of course, partner in crime.

Cause we're doing these podcast episodes together at least every now and then when you jump on, uh, how's Argentina, I hear today was, uh, apparently extra sunny for you, even though everybody else was wearing their sweaters and their jackets and everything else, you seem to be thinking it was bikini zone.

Am I right? Yeah. So what Yats is referring to, for those of you guys listening is that, so it's, uh, it's August 1st, but it is winter in the Southern hemisphere. So. The Argentinians. I love 'em. Bless their hearts. They think it's winter and sometimes it is cold. I will say that, but in Bueno Aires today, for example, it was around like 74, 75 degrees and so humid.

I was so hot. That's like 28 to 30 for those of you. Well, 28 degrees for those of you in Celsius. I think it was like 22, 24 or whatever. Well, there you go. 22 Celsius. Jesus. Okay. Go on Christina. Um, but yeah, but no, it's going well. And so I don't think, um, if anybody, if I don't think we published the last, um, episode that we had, but in the last episode, what we were talking about was Mate and I was telling everyone how.

I've made atrocious maté and it's been a disgrace, but today not only did I buy my own maté board, uh, but I was talking to the owner and he gave me some really helpful tips and now I consider myself to be a pro. Well, you know, we're going to start a podcast on how to make maté, Christina, I will give you more air time to describe it, but for now, thank you.

It's great to know that you've got great maté and that you're sipping on this during the session. Everybody give her a round of applause. Yay. We're going View the applause of the background and now we felt again, um, okay. So, you know, I was thinking about this, this concept of self sabotage, right? And, and self sabotage is like the most psychological technical term.

But for me, I like to think about it as rejecting love and let's say rejecting healthy love, because again, most of us. We think love is, Oh my God, you know, I want this person to whisk me around the world, take me everywhere, buy me these things, or just like, always be there with me, watch these things with me.

Like those are small components of love and good relationships, but we forget that healthy relationships are a lot of like communication, stability, something that I think a lot of people unconsciously hate or dislike because they've never been used to it. So before I jump into why I think, you know, we reject healthy love.

I want to ask you, why do you think people reject healthy love in their lives? Because it's disgusting. Well, great. Thank you guys for listening. I hope you come again to the next one. Uh, that was the best answer I've received. Okay. That's actually true though, for a lot of people, right? They, they feel it's disgusting, but go on.

No, for sure. I wanted to start with that because myself included, and I believe you as well, but. You know, us doing this work, we've talked to so many people. I know from my own personal experience, when, before I did all this work, when healthy love that was just attentive and kind and caring when it would come into my life, it felt repulsive, you know, to be a little bit dramatic.

Uh, and so then we kind of get into, okay, well, that doesn't answer. The why, which is what we're also going to talk about. But I mean, the wife for me is, has always been, or used to be just not, not feeling worthy of, of receiving it and not being used to it. And especially like when we're looking at rejection, I always see rejection for myself as being a protective mechanism where I'm like, okay.

I'm going to protect myself by rejecting it first, because then you know what's going to happen. Right. So if you're like, I'm going to say yes to this thing, it could potentially hurt you and come back to you. Um, but yeah, so that's just. I can go into that more, but I would love to hear your take on this too.

Yeah, for me, well, as you know, like I always look into the neuroscience of it, because I want to understand why we do it. Now, if I'm being really honest, I know I have unconsciously, and this is what's important, we unconsciously sabotage. We don't want to Push away healthy love. You know, we unconsciously do it because we're tuned into something else.

Now, what is the something else we're tuned into? More often than not, it's, you know, you can blanket it as unhealthy relationships, but we're tuned into somebody else. We're tuned into a work. We're tuned into money. Whatever the things that validate us so much because we're addicted, we're attached to them.

That we forget really what's actually healthy for us. And the reason why we do it, the reason why I believe we, we sabotage healthy love is because our nervous systems are just not used to healthy love. They're just not used to it. That's actually plain and simple. The scientific truth of why we push away things we don't know.

Now, take for example. Just to break this down a little more for everybody listening. When you're really young is when your nervous system develops, right? That's when you're forming all of your like body organs, everything completely, but also more importantly, your mind really starts developing after you're born.

And so it starts absorbing everything, you know, about life to create your own constructs of life, your nervous system, the same way. Which is why habits and everything at that time, languages, you learn them so quick at that time. Cause your nervous system learns everything. But you also learn about yourself, your value, your worth by observing other people treating you.

This is a concept called neuroception. And when you're doing this learning, if you had someone or an environment or some people who couldn't show up for you, they couldn't love you, they didn't mimic healthy love to you or even to each other. Parents who are fighting, if you've been bullied like horribly at school, which is a continuous rejection.

If you had a parent who prioritized work over spending time with you, then that's like abandonment. If you had a parent who was narcissistic, you know, and they made you feel small to make themselves feel big hell, even if you just had like a busy single parent who did their best, but they couldn't validate you enough, your nervous system's got starts getting used to this.

And this is the idea of what they think they should give you or what they can give you. But it's not necessarily the idea of the love that you need. So then this becomes the idea of love that your nervous system believes is true. And for the rest of your life, it unconsciously goes after seeking this because, you know, this is what's locked into your beliefs about yourself, your subconscious mind.

So if we've been used to, especially, but not limited, To the heavy betrayal, you know, a lack of love, heavy breakups, people, you know, uh, using or abusing us or people just not showing up for us. We get so used to this idea that we're not lovable. We don't deserve love as you just said, but we also think it's not bloody true.

So that when good love actually comes our way, because our nervous system is so not used to it, it unconsciously pushes it away. By rejecting it, by, you know, finding it unattractive, that's a huge one. Like when a lot of people are in, you know, relationship, let's say you're an anxious, uh, you know, attacher and you're in a relationship with someone who you're constantly chasing.

They're an avoidant. Why? Because your nervous system is used to chasing people, right? From a young age in order to earn love. Now you keep chasing, chasing, chasing this person. Let's say, you know, the avoidant, now it doesn't work out. Meanwhile, there's a healthy, loving man or woman who comes your way.

Who's trying to love you. They're trying to make you feel like you're important in the world that you deserve to receive. Because you're so not used to that. You will unconsciously flip your nervous system to be the person who runs away from them. And you'll find them needy. You'll find them too much.

You'll find them like, you know, annoying, disgusting, whatever, like you said, just so you can push them away. When meanwhile, they will probably just give you a healthy idea of love. That you've never been used to before. Have you, have you ever experienced something like that in your own life? Absolutely. Or their friends or whatever.

Yeah, absolutely. And one thing I wanted to add to kind of add a little bit more texture to what you're saying is that receiving love and like having your heart be open, it's really vulnerable. So it can feel really scary. So like all the things you're talking about with like, you know, nervous system, um, regulation and just like that agitation being there, like what we're used to, you know, it's also like, you know, It is really vulnerable to be in that space, but here's a question.

Sorry, I don't want to interrupt you, but I want to go on that train of thought. Cause it's so important. Yes. You're being vulnerable when you're exposed to like, you know, love of any sort, especially a healthy kind of love, but why is it dangerous vulnerability? Doesn't always have to be dangerous, right?

Vulnerability can actually lead to strength. If you believe that you will be loved, protected and safe. So why is this kind of vulnerability when you're opening up to real love? Why is it dangerous? Yes. Great question. And so that's where it feels dangerous because of past experience where you've been hurt when you were vulnerable.

And that's actually exactly what happened for me, you know, going back into my childhood. I remember with this visceral memory that's stored in my body, and I can even like start to tap into how that feels. But there was a moment Where I was trying to connect with my dad before he passed away from terminal lung cancer.

And I was 13 years old and I just wanted to connect with him. And so think about the, an awkward adolescent girl that, that like literally she knows that her dad's dying. And I wanted to connect with him before he passed. And I tried to, And I was, I was brutally heavily rejected and it may not have seemed like it to him or to anyone who might've seen for me, I, oh, I can pinpoint, I could stop.

And I could tell you exactly how that felt in my body. So it was, it was catastrophic. You know, that fear doesn't leave, you know, like, you know, it's such a painful experience that, you know, you store it so heavily and strongly When, you know, the next time, if you're going, you'd much rather go off to someone who doesn't give that to you, like, because that's what feels familiar rather than go off to someone with whom you have a chance.

You open up, you let yourself get in, you trust, and then they fucking break it down and they sabotage it, you know, and then they like break your trust or your belief in yourself. And you know, you said it doesn't leave you and we know that we're doing this work because we know that we can get on the other side of that fear.

Right. I'm curious for you because what I brought up was very much like a pinnacle moment where I can pinpoint, like, there was a lot of other rejections I felt from, yeah. Just close people to me growing up that, you know, that was like really, really big one. And so for you and your own experience, do you feel like your experience was with rejection was more like a buildup of like little tiny incidences or was it like a big one?

That's an amazing question because I feel like we have the opposite experiences there in the sense that I can't seem to remember any Major, like, you know, shocking, traumatic experiences that made me feel this way. I feel like mine were more a series of like little ones. For example, if I look back, the simple fact that now some images are so clear when my dad was working all the time.

And if I wanted it, like every time he was walking to the office, which he used to work downstairs, or he used to go to his office on his way, I'd have a bat. And I'd be holding the bat and a ball and I'd see like, Dad, you want to play for like five minutes? You want to play for 10 minutes? You know, I'd always do you have time to play?

Do you have time to play? And he was, I can never, never, ever remember him saying yes. And maybe I think if I was him also with so many kids, so much chaos, it's not even just like, I don't have time. It's like, I don't want to spend more time here. You know, it's more chaotic for me. Let me just run away like an avoidant into my work, which is, I think what my dad was for so long, very emotionally avoidant.

And on the other side also. I feel like with my mom, um, inside, I could tell she's a very physically and emotionally affectionate person. I can see that in my mom, but she never, I think, had the space to translate it and bring it out. As a priority, like everybody else was, you know, a priority for her. Her value was brought up with academic achievement.

That's when she connected with, I think her family more. And so even with me, I would like want to be very cuddly. I'm probably the most cuddly of like my family members and the most physical, although we're all somewhat physical. But every time, you know, going up to try and like get or give cuddles and like, I used to love kissing my mom, you know, I can remember so many moments where she's be like, I don't like it, you know, kind of thing.

And those small things for a little child, you know, it's not her fault either, but like my nervous system internalized that, you know, I can't really have it. It's not, you know, I'm not worthy of having it. For me, what, what really did it was. I, I used to get physically abused when I was younger. I mean, in the Western world, we call it abused in the Eastern world.

We just call it getting a few fucking raps, you know, getting, uh, getting hit. Cause it was so normalized back then that even when I went to boarding school, what was so interesting is I had to do something chaotic in order to be physically abused. Because it felt so normal for me to be punished and abused and get hit all the time.

And when I look back at that, I realized like, I didn't just want to fit in, which would have been safer, which would have been healthier for me. I wanted to create chaos so I could get abused. And if I fast forward and look into my relationships, I always looked for moments that could spark something or create adrenaline or blah, blah, blah.

So that I could have, you know, not necessarily conflict, but there could be that push and pull. Because that felt so familiar, like some kind of nervous system stimulation or aggravation, you know? And for me in my twenties also, I didn't have, well, I had one stable relationship, which I also sabotaged. But I then kept attracting Instable relationships or unstable relationships because I just couldn't handle I think healthy love You know, so do you think has at any point for you has healthy love felt boring be really honest I wouldn't say boring.

I think it just felt like, again, using that word repulsive and just wanting me to push it away. And that honestly, I had people even like in high school that really, really liked me. And because I was so scared of connection, like immediately after my dad passed, so like when they would get closer, I would want to push them away because it just like it felt like it was coming too close.

It felt scary. Right. Then as I, you know, grew into my twenties and a little bit into my thirties, I, you know. When I would come into close contact with people that could give me like that love or what have you at certain times, I wouldn't say for me that it ever felt like boring, but it just felt like gross.

Like what is gross? Like if you think about gross and everybody, for everybody listening, if you think about what gross translates into, into, let's say you're with a partner or someone's trying to like pursue you or trying to give you healthy love. What does gross project into? What does it translate into?

How would you say, would you be like, Oh my God, that person's not attractive or like that too much? Or would you be like, yawn, this is so bloody boring. Like that person's too stable. What would it look like to you? It would definitely be related to their attractiveness of being hypercritical of how they look.

Maybe just, you know, muscles lack there of height, how they dress those That's definitely how it showed up for me. Yeah. Do you think, do you think For me, I'm trying to look back and I would say I was actually never, for a long time, I was never attracted to a girl who, I think men typically, and, well, you know, this may get a lot of comments, but I think typically men should look for women who are younger than them because I think women mature and age much faster emotionally and, and spiritually than men do.

Um, and I think a healthy sign, in my opinion, is generally when an older man falls in love with a younger girl. I mean, not older man and younger girl. That sounded creepy. Sorry, everybody listening.

As long as it's legal, guys, as long as it's legal. No, but I mean, like, you know, whatever, you know what I mean, like, yeah, just a fair age gap, but someone who's older. Because like I said, men develop slower than women. I think that would be healthy and secure. And also for the process of development, like in developmental psychology, evolution for procreation, it makes more sense because a man is a little more stable later on.

And a girl is a little like, you know, uh, a woman is more capable, you know, physically, blah, blah, blah. But the reason I mentioned it is because for me. For, I was almost never attracted to women who either just a little younger than me or even my age, it was always women who are older because they represent like they represented the instability of, you know, not having a safe, secure relationship and they, they represented me chasing after them the way I would chase after my mom.

Or even my dad trying to get love. And so I remember, you know, at that time when some of my other friends who would date people who are maybe like a little younger than us, and I would make so much fun of them, I'd be like, Oh, here comes the pervert, you know, even though it was so healthy, like they were just a few years younger.

Because mine was the opposite. God knows what they were saying when I was going out for the older women. You're like, Oh, here comes the fucking, uh, grave robber or something, I guess. I don't know, but there are so many ways for me. I would, like you said, I would find them unattractive if they were younger.

I'd find them attractive if they were older. So crazy. And I would find what was attractive in them. The fact that they were hyper independent, so they didn't actually really need someone to have a healthy, loving relationship, um, that they had other priorities except their relationship, other kinds of things, those things I would find attractive, but I wouldn't find attractive someone who wanted to be in a stable, continuous relationship.

You know, yeah, absolutely. And I think you and I have different life experiences with like how self sabotage has showed up. And so I will say I never understood why I never understood that dynamic about, you know, younger guys going through like, and then when I met you and then I started to meet like a couple other guys that had that, Oh my God, it's so obvious.

Look at this guy. He is fucking Peter Pan. No, exactly. And then I understood it and I was like, Oh, okay. Now I get it. Yeah. Um, But I'm just curious, like, how did that, you know, I kind of talked into how it felt for me, but like when you were, when you had women in front of you that wanted to connect with you and give you love and whatnot, how did it feel for you?

Did it feel boring? Or did it feel as I would choose my words to put myself? Well, it's it's interesting, because, well, there's two things that I want to talk to. Um, one, I will answer that particular question, which is that, um, I think getting into a relationship with them was easy. But then maintaining that relationship was hard.

That was my self sabotage, you know, uh, if I got into a relationship with a girl who was like just younger, I mean, that's one of the longest relationships I've had was one who was just younger than me, that was a healthy relationship. I think, but then over a period of time, I was like, this is boring, you know, not boring, but my nervous system found it too stable.

So I've admitted this before and, you know, I've forgiven myself and moved past so many things, but I cheated on that part, you know, which is self sabotage, you know, breaking down that relationship and, and stuff to ultimately have it break down and be lost. So I think for me, if I got into relationships, I would find ways to unconsciously sabotage it.

That's, that's how I would, you know, destroy them or find them unattractive at some point. If it was too stable, too safe, I would like describe it as such. I'd be like, oh, that's so boring. And this is why I think a lot of people, a lot of women love bad boys because bad boys aggravate their nervous systems in a way that the familiar, I'm going to take this down, write this down as content, because as we know, I have to constantly produce content.

It's not a good thing. and the, the bad boy concept, it definitely. There's a couple elements in there. One being that the like bad boy, um, he tends to have like those masculine traits that women do find attractive, like assertiveness. Right, right, right. You know, there's other things in there too, like taking initiative and they have that, they have that air of confidence, even though it might Probably most definitely is masking and underlying internal confidence.

Um, but at the same time for like what you're getting at also is, you know, just women being used to being treated like crap. Exactly. Exactly. Right. And that's why the, that's why I was going to write a post the other day, why women. Women don't like nice guys because they're not used to the love that a nice guy gives you, which is stability, safety, security, consistency, showing up.

Pardon? I would say we even find it to be weak. Exactly. You find it to be weak because you're like, someone wants me. I mean, that's not attractive at all. Actually, I'm going to add that also to my content, uh, right up, but that I was putting up, but it's. It's, um, it's interesting because, you know, we were thinking about, well, actually, I don't want to forget doing that, Christina.

So I'm going to write that piece of content shamelessly while I'm on the podcast. The podcast now. Yes. Um, this is now the continue to make smarties. No, I'm totally kidding. Um, but I did want to say, um, you know, in, in regards to this, Self sabotage that we get into because like we said, it's come up for, uh, both of us in different ways.

And so for you, like, you know, yes, you were in that relationship where you cheated. So like cheating, or even I've seen, you know, my friends or other people start to look for a connection and other people, right. Or like, that's obviously one, but even like for yourself, like after that relationship, when you had that repetition of like older women, Yeah.

Like that self sabotage. Exactly. I'd love for you to talk a little bit more on that and then I as well. Because that's actually what I wanted to talk about. And I wanted to talk about this concept of MILFs, right? Because you were saying before, you were saying before that, uh, MILFs. What a word, seriously, fucking revolutionizing.

What a word, what is your culture? Good job, culture. Good job, westernized culture. Thank you. Thank you for being a leader to progression around the world. I think that's fucking phenomenal. Thank you for, for creating these extremely powerful abbreviations that we use all around the world. MILF. It just sounds good.

You know, I don't even know how to describe it. The word just sounds good. Weird, I know. Maybe it's my affinity for MILFs, X affinity for MILFs, if my wife's listening. Um, but I think it's so interesting because there's a reason MILFs are found attractive by a certain category of men. Predominantly, almost every one of them, in my opinion, is young.

They're probably in the age range of 20 to 30 something. And almost all of them are emotionally Not developed enough. The boys who find the mills attractive, basically. So they call them these, the Peter pans, they call them the, you know, I don't know what else they call it in Mexico. What do they call them?

Chavarruco. Really? Holy shit. I live in Mexico a little bit wrong. Um, somebody spell check or no, no, no. I'm going to be testing this with my buddies today. I'm going to be like, Hey guys, what's the latest on this word? Chavarruco. That's what you call it. Chavarruco. I'm going to check it out. But, you know, the reason.

The reason younger boy, and this is an app conversation because last week I had a client who actually was talking about a similar situation where she's in love with this younger guy and she just can't seem to break it. And I said, has he given you the stability you want? Has he given you the commitment you want?

Is he taking care of you and the lifestyle that you need? Because naturally I believe men are designed to do that for women so that women can provide other things. All of those things were a no. So all of those women tend to become more masculine. They tend to become over independent. They tend to take care of their own lives.

They tend to take care of the fucking guy as well, you know, financially, emotionally, everything. And so women like, you know, these MILFs, I'm not going to expand on this, the term, but you know, I'll, I'll make it PG 13. It's mothers. I'd like to. Date friendly with that would be milled, Christina. So let's call it milf milf.

Let's use the F as friendly mothers. I'd like to friend if I let's, you know, for the PG 13 audience here, hopefully my niece is not listening to any of these podcasts episodes. I asked my brother to ban her, but the goal for like, you know, these, the younger boys is to get this kind of mothering that they either a didn't have at all, which was in my case, they didn't have enough of, but they Or B, that they've been so attached to that they haven't grown out of either way.

There's like an emotional maturing that has not happened for these kinds of boys. So for me, going after these kinds of relationships would make me feel a type of love that I didn't receive growing up. Now it would not give me all the other elements of love. Someone who was there by my side, someone who would take care of me, like, or support me emotionally.

Someone who, and this is the best part of having a queen and not a queen mother. A queen is meant to challenge you to bring the best out of you like a king. That is what my wife does all the time. Incessantly too much challenging. Sometimes, you know, exactly. And I, and I really love and appreciate that.

And she demands out of life. She's like, I want this. You have to treat me less. You have to take care of this, this, this. And I, I actually love it weirdly enough. And I'm excited to have a daughter as crazy as it sounds. Now I'm going to have two demanding women in the house, twice as many expenses, but I'm still excited to do it.

But with a MILF, for example, or an older woman, you don't need to challenge yourself to be a queen, a king, you already have this queen mother, who's kind of like, you know, taking care of everything. She's always got the back going up things in the background going on, you know, she's the one providing the stability.

And on her end, she's needing a younger boy to kind of provide a sense of like excitement in her relationship that maybe she didn't have. Which she deserves from a man, uh, a kind of stimulation, a kind of like, you know, enticement that she either didn't have her permission to have when she was younger and be playful in her relationship.

Cause we know in past generations, people got married. Yes, they called it for love, for more, for convenience, safety, security sometimes. So if she's had too much of that, then she's going to swing to these younger boys. So there's a whole gamut of reasons why you sabotage in that, in that range. But Long story short, I just want to talk about MILFs for a second and explain that to everybody listening and why that exists.

But I want to say one last thing. I know I've been speaking for a while. I want to say one last thing on that. The best thing that happened to me in my life, which is why I lead this work with my entire life on the line. Is that for four years, I was attracted to that pattern of older women. And the moment I did the healing work and I did the work to reparent myself and learn to recreate the idea of healthy love boom out of nowhere.

It's so shocking to me. I was physically and emotionally unattracted to these women and I didn't find them repulsive. But I just didn't find them attractive anymore. They were just beautiful, older women who took care of themselves. And I'm happy they existed in the universe and contributed, but that's it.

They didn't need to exist in my universe. It was so bloody crazy. So let me ask you, did you at any point notice the shift? Because I know you were in a difficult relationship for like a long period of time. Did you notice at any point in your life, the shift between how you were so attracted to an unhealthy love to where you started to pull in or draw in?

A healthier love that you enjoyed over the track to do more. Yeah. I can actually remember this moment and I used to be the type that was always chasing. So that very typical anxious attacher that's running after the avoidant. Right. And there was this one moment where, and it was actually two years ago when I was living in Argentina before, and there's this guy I was chasing and then I just had to stop and go in words and be like, let him come to you.

Let him come to you. And then as I was in, there was like, it was a, it was a camping trip. And then all of a sudden I started noticing that this other guy in the group kept seeking me out. And I was like, let him come to you. And I had my focus on the guy that was running from me. And then I was like, wait, let him come to you.

Him is not specified. And I saw this other guy approaching me and pursuing me. And I was like, okay, I see this. especially with attachment. I always say that the ego gets attached to a specific person, the soul, then our child is attached to the feelings. Like how do we want to feel? Right. And so I was like, okay, like let me be open to this person.

And he was, Really kind, really caring. And so on the opposite spectrum of the mouth, we have the Delph. So he was, and I never, again, I never understood that concept of going for dads, um, but know how to take care of people. They know how to take care of. Self absorbed. And so anyway, so, um, he started to pursue me and when we went to Buenos Aires, I actually had my Airbnb and he arrived ahead of me.

And so I just like gave him the, like login in for, or the, the, the, sorry, login information. The, yeah, the key or whatever to get it. He got there before me and I'm not kidding you. When I got there, he had snacks, he had wine, he had like, All and he had like a dinner reservation for us. And I was so touched.

And I noticed that the next day I was super busy for work and I was starting to create a distance because I was like, Ooh, I started to really, and even before that, like, you know, before I went to Buenos Aires, like I started to feel the, like, I don't think he's that attractive. He's not that cute. He's X, he's Y, he's Z.

He's not cool. And all the things that, you know, just, that's, we start to think, but it's not necessarily true, but I knew in my mind, I had to ask myself, do I really not find him attractive or is this my attachment coming into play? And once I told myself that I was like, okay, lean into it. And once I leaned into it, I was able to fully receive this.

relationship and we both knew what it was going to be because he lived in a different country. So it had an expiration date on it and we both knew what it was. And at the same time, I wasn't attached to the ending of the relationship. I wasn't worried about it. I wasn't, you know, in that insecure spiral.

Just open to the experience and being like, you know what, this really wonderful man wants to treat me kindly. He wants to shower me with, you know, gifts and just like acts of like, it's like service and just like being really, really kind. And I, I, I would say that's probably one of the first times in my life that I really.

Allowed myself to receive it from a man in that way and be like, yeah, like I deserve this. And also just like have that dynamic and interaction play out. And I will say that's one of the most healing experiences that I've had in my healing journey. Cause even before I think if I was in a relationship with somebody that was giving me love, I felt guilty or I felt like I had to prove myself.

So I wasn't fully receiving it. And so this was definitely a life changing experience where I, it just kind of set this tone moving forward so that I felt safe and worthy of receiving and also just raise the standard for men because I was like, he's not, that's a huge one. Right. That's a huge one.

Raising your standard of what you deserve to receive. I think that's the biggest thing of what, in my opinion, learning to, um, step into healthy love feels like, and learning to retrain your nervous system, your subconscious mind around what healthy love feels like. Feels like is that it then changes what you expect from the world.

It changes what you see from the world. It changes what you deserve in, in order of what you're receiving. I remember like you also said when you were in Argentina and then we'll, you know, we'll close this off this, that when you got sick, your neighbors there or your landlord came with like a whole bunch of groceries and everything for you to take, and you didn't even really ask, you just said like, I'm sick, you know, blah, blah, blah.

And he just, or he just found out you were sick. And you attracted a world where now people take care of you. Whether it's, it doesn't always just have to be a romantic partner either. Like, you know, once you get a, you get a better understanding of healthy love and you're willing to receive, it comes from everywhere.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, you know, that's a, that's a beautiful, beautiful way to end this conversation. At least we're not ending it just on the idea of milfs. No disrespect to any milfs out there. You guys are great. You women are great. I'm sure. And you're doing your best. But, uh, I think any concluding thing you want to say.

To anybody listening just that, you know, the awareness piece guys, like if you're seeing that you're pushing love away, just be aware of it and understand that there's a reason. So don't beat yourself up. Just know that there is healing that I've done, that Yats has done, that we are guiding people through.

So again, awareness, don't beat yourself up. There's always a reason why we do the things that we do. And that's, that's, that's a key thing. There's always a reason. And for me, It's to also understand that like, you know, as you focus on yourself and you do like, um, you start giving yourself a better understanding of healthy love, you just attract a healthier and a better love to you.

Like, for example, like, you know, the bad boys are not the right option and the safest or safe or the most boring of boring, let's call them, let's call pleasers, right? They're not attractive either. Let's be honest. Because they're also anxious in their own way and they're not stable and secure. But once you do the level of like healing internally, I think you attract the right combination of someone who's brave and adventurous and daring because a woman needs that to know she's protected and like, you know that the man will stand up for her and at the same time someone who'll also respect her and be there and support her and I think as Christina said Focus on the healing for you because as you understand why, you'll be able to solve that problem and then you will attract beautiful, loving, like healthy love in your life.

And for me, to you, with all my heart, you deserve a healthy love. You deserve kindness, compassion, care, bravery, challenge. You deserve to be triggered in a healthy way by someone who will stay and help you work through it. You deserve the best kind of love, but you have to do the work in order to have it.

So with that, um, I love this episode. This was a lot of fun. I really enjoyed this episode. I don't generally enjoy my time with you, Christina, but this one was good. Thank you very much. You just love that. No, it's not exactly. See, it's not because of here, Christina. It's because of the version of you that's here that I like.

So make sure that keeps coming. All right. It's the new Monday. All right. Love you guys. Thank you. Enjoy the video and please share with everybody. All right. Bye.